my heart sank.
i cried thrice in a day`

when i woke up in the morning,
disturbed by the nightmare i had about him
i felt i had lost something dearly to me.
i dun even know what shud i do now.
#lost
the moment i wanted to fall back to slp,
the image of his appeared.
i cant get back to slp at all..

felt i got alot of things to say to him over the phone ytd.
but i really duno how to start it off..
like what XL said, i shud take this period as a barrier for us.
but the barrier lasts only for a week and i cant foresee the future that lies ahead for us..
maybe we arent meant for each other..
and maybe tht's the reason for us nt being tgt at all.

a promise tht was half way broken.

it was the 2nd time i ever told my mum abt my probs.
felt much better when i tok to her.
a little conversation took place over breakfast jus now;
*no offence to the people tht is stated in the conversation*
- that includes him..
*translet to english*
Mum: is there anyone courting u?
Me: hmm.. gt 2 bahs
Mum: then..
Me: like tht lor
Mum: what happen
Me: hmm.. u wan listen to which one.
Mum: both
Me: hmm..first one.no more le
Mum: u rejected him..?
Me: not really reject.. just ignore him..den he change target liao..
Mum: second one??
Me: hmm.. *i paused for rather long* hmm.. not really woo lar..he likes me, gt feelings for him..but nv start lor..hmm.. he called for a stop.
Mum: why?
Me: hmm. cus he prefer to do things alone..
Mum: being with u, he cant be alone?
Me: dunO
Mum: guys' mind are not stable till they completed ns.
Me: i koe..eyes must put big big see..
Mum kept quiet.

i felt rather much better toking to her.
like he said to me before,
i shud spend more time with my Mum..
maybe becus of him,
i chatted with my mum..=)
hais..

maybe waiting till tht day arrives,
we' shall see how.
i am in a junk of mixed emotions.

my mind now is flooded with the words and sentences tht he said to me ytd.
i cant giv u the happiness you want.
there are better guys than i am.
i prefer to do things alone.if u are with me, you will be alone in the corner.

was tht reasons/facts or excuses?
i really duno..
i can choose to believe and not to..
i really duno..
i duno wad is a lie or the truth..
mayb i had heard enough from the SECOND guy i had..
lies are all he can giv me..
and tht seems to be reason why i dun really trust guys since then
maybe the prob lies with me..


i really duno..
hais..
i had told him before,
i really looking forward to his last day in sch..
and tht marks a special day for us.
but i dunO now..
felt really tht lost in time n in space`

i need a break..
badly need a one..
i sat down and wondered this morning,
has 1B21 stuck with the problem - heartbreak.
my grp is like so down.
maybe except JunHao.

trying a million reasons to =) without you by my side.